Imagine you are in the middle of the street, and everything is moving fast in front of you. Right and left. Almost the speed of light. All, except you.
You began to see things differently. In split seconds, you had the moment to observe your space- both what is seen and unseen. You then, realize things around you change or move, and you wonder if you are also changing and evolving.
I feel like things have been like that to me lately. Everything passed by so quickly that I couldn’t catch up anymore. Sometimes, I would find myself lost in the maze and blurred about what’s ahead. But often, I would catch myself enjoying some pauses while asking more questions about life.
I entered my 30s like it did not happen. It was days after the death of my father, and I was in deep grief. I only remember buying myself a cake to celebrate the milestone year but still opted to keep myself busy at work to forget that someone significant had missed witnessing that special day. From then on, things unfolded very hastily, and just like that two years have passed.
I wouldn’t say it was an easy ride coming to this day, but those two years defined so much of how I value things, people, and life itself now. From learning grief the hard way to just letting love buoy me. From discovering a lot of inner child wounds to learning how to parent me to heal. From crying my heart out from distress to understanding how boundaries could transform my life. I thought I already knew many things about loving and valuing myself only to find out I haven’t gone more deeply about it.
You know, life isn’t as simple as I expected it to be. As you grow old, you will be faced with more complex challenges that will demand you to feel varied emotions. It’s not just sad or happy. Layers of what happened to us even when we were younger will begin to peel one by one and if they are not addressed properly, they could affect many forms of relationships in the future. You will realize battles are more fought inside than outside.
And yet, as you age, you crave the simple things and appreciate the micro-moments. You begin to be comfortable with smaller but important circles. But you also value solitude and stillness.
Few days ago, I finished watching the Netflix docuseries Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones by Dan Buettner. The concept of Blue Zones was adapted from the result of a demographic study by Michel Poulain on longevity. He used a blue pen to mark the centenarians living in Sardinia, Italy and called them the blue zones.
In the docuseries, there were 4 major elements present among these regions that determined not just longevity, but the quality of life lived by the people there, particularly the centenarians. In one form or another, they have mastered moving naturally by doing their usual household chores, taking advantage of the steep slopes of their neighborhood, and tending their garden regularly. They also found the balance of eating wisely by consuming more plant-based food and the rest in moderation. Remarkably though, I was drawn on how outlook and connectedness equally played a huge role in how they uphold a good life. Factors like being proximal to one’s family, having a guided sense of faith and purpose, maintaining an immediate social circle, and always finding time to decompress and unwind—all make up a life worth living.
I reckon, after watching, that the secrets of the blue zones are not complex after all. They’re not the solutions that the modern world offers us. Instead, they are the simple things we have been doing (or not doing), only that we take them for granted.
Longevity is just a measurement of the length of our lives. What we do in between is far more important. The answer lies in the choices that we make.
Going back to my question of whether I’ve changed or evolved—one can only argue that the answer is obvious. People change and evolve. In the end, change is the only constant thing in this world.
But you see, even changing as a person is a choice. It does not happen in an instant. Who I am now is a product of the many choices I’ve made- good or bad, conscious or unconscious.
This week, I’ve started reading this book on The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga (I’m not done with it yet). In the few pages of this book, the youth and the philosopher discussed why people always choose not to change. I liked a particular line there that says, “People can change any time, regardless of the environments they are in. You are unable to change only because you are making the decision not to”. Change is scary but it’s the ultimate test of our courage.
I figure, with all the challenges that happened to me in recent years, I could have chosen to give up. I could have chosen to let pain and sadness devour me. I could have just let my regrets of the past and my fears of the future question the choices I’ve made. I could have stayed in the corner and watched myself witness its own downfall.
But ultimately, I have made a choice—to take charge of how I feel and decide for my own happiness.
(Aware of the fact that not all people are in the right circumstances to choose what makes them happy, I am writing this with the hope that it will inspire them that someday things will get better.)
